Goal

Learn to be truly and honestly in the moment as opposed to choreographing what I think it looks like to be in the moment.

On stage, in front of a camera, alone, and whilst struggling to live life with real people who are struggling to do the same.

Vanity

I was really excited about this outfit. I hope you are, too.

Have a good week, everybody.

Busy Week

1. wrote an essay

2. studied for a quiz

3. slept for 15 hours last night

4. performed for my voice and speech class on wednesday

5. rehearsal starts tomorrow night

6. i also killed my first cockroach the other night

milestones.

Helpless Doorknobs

I start rehearsals for a play this Friday. My friend, Blitz (Issaquah Kidstage friend), is a student at NYU and she is directing and writing a production called Helpless Doorknobs, based on a poem with the same name by the macabre writer and illustrator Edward Gorey. Here is some of his work:

Needless to say, I'm wicked excited. The show runs the weekend of November 7. Come play in the city and come watch me do my thang.

Miracles

Miracle #1: Tami and Bryce find each other in the train station.

Miracle #2: Ace Maxwell Stewart.

Miracle #3: Natasha Stewart's hair and wardrobe.

Miracle #4: Natasha's brother-in-law IS XIU XIU?!

Miracle #5: Deep fried hard-boiled eggs.

Miracle #6: Ghetto slurpees.

Miracle #7: Bryce is actually ok at darts.

Miracle #8: Stolen chalk and vandalism in Greenpoint.

Miracle #9: Quesadillas at 4 am.

Miracle #10: We woke up the next day.

Miracle #11: Goat cheese & spinach omelette.

Miracle #12: New York City and company.

Finding

Reflections

Since I left my Acting Lab session on Friday afternoon, I have been overwhelmed by a feeling I have not felt in years, and never to this extent, as I honestly never thought I would feel it again. The feeling: lost, completely incapable of doing the one thing about which I thought I knew nearly everything there was to know. Ruth Nerken, my Acting Lab teacher and a woman whom I have the utmost confidence is going to change my life drastically, stopped me thirty seconds into my monologue, a monologue I have lived and breathed for nine months now, and attempted to loosen me up. I was too comfortable in my situation. It was not true to the character's circumstance.

Nothing she did worked. Nothing.

Something happened, though. I have never had to work hard at script analysis, I always know exactly what my intention is and what my motivation is and what my tactics are and where every beat changes. As painfully shy as I was as a child, I've grown up living inside of my own head, always watching. The obsession I developed with human behavior and why people do the things that they do is what makes the intellectual side of this art form so easy for me. However, when I found my voice and lost my shyness upon discovering the theatre, my living inside of my own head did not change and still has not. I have a habit of scripting everything that I do, from what I say to what I wear to how I sit or stand; it is all completely purposeful and planned. My goals for this next year:

-Stop thinking so damn hard all the damn time.

-Learn to not ACT vulnerable and available, but actually BE vulnerable and available.

-In short, LOOSEN UP.

P.S.

My room.